If you could end COVID-19 by sacrificing one programming language, which one would you choose and why is it PHP?

@fribbledom two birds with one stone


Darn, now that's a dilemma I haven't considered.

@fribbledom I was going to say Python.

@fribbledom If y'all could wait until Monday in that case, I would really appreciate it. 😅 I just need PHP to exist until after this demo 😛

@fribbledom Do all of the languages influenced by it magically go away, too? If so, I pick ALGOL. ALGOL without a second thought.

@fribbledom i have a bigger grudge against javascript to be honest, but php is also a good candidate shrug_akko

@fribbledom I don't know why you misspelled Swift as PHP, but sure, I'd wipe it out.

(alternate: Rust, but that's more a social problem than the hideous language itself)


@fribbledom i hate javascript just as much as the next person but if you think it's worse than PHP you're very mistaken

@fribbledom JavaScript because it's the only programming language you HAVE to learn if you want to do web development.

@fribbledom JavaScript because it's the only programming language you HAVE to learn if you want to do web development. Being more fragmented than a broken window and at the mercy of the likes of Google (Chrome, Angular), Facebook (React, Yarn) and Microsoft (GitHub, NPM, TypeScript) don't help.


That's a very good point actually... on the backend of things you at least got a few options.

@fribbledom Though I don't see WebAssembly as the ultimate solution. It makes it much harder to audit website frontends (at least with JavaScript you can just inspect element) or block specific events like mousemove which is used for invasive analytics. Also, is it even possible to disable code execution in WebAssembly like you can disable JavaScript?

@fribbledom nice hypothesis, so what if we eliminate RNA

@fribbledom JS is also responsible for the dumpster fire of a "native" app framework that is Electron.

@fribbledom definitely javascript, or maybe python...

Haven't used enough php to hate it yet, but I've heard stories.

@fribbledom Consider: COBOL. Or given its memory safety issues, C.

@fribbledom COBOL. Really screw the banks over hard.

@fribbledom Do instruction sets qualify as programming languages? They are the language used to make the hardware do what you want, after all. Because, in that case, x86, to maximize damage.

@fribbledom Is it an option to keep both in sealed vials in my basement, to serve as a threat to future generations?

can I make a list of possible candidates?

@fribbledom I’d end VBS, VBA, and PowerShell.

Not taking questions at this time. ( :joy_cat: )

@fribbledom Javascript

@fribbledom I was going to actually choose COBOL, because that kind of Hell should no longer exist. It is the 21st century, after all.


Can someone explain to me the hate that gets? I find it to be a pretty decent and mature oop language. Especially considering its beginnings.

@fribbledom I'd sacrifice JavaScript, really. It's a language designed for a different purpose than what it is being put to use for today. Things have been added, but it's all mostly syntactic sugar. PHP gets hell for its syntax, but anyone taken a good look at the proposal for declaring private methods/properties in JavaScript? It's so bad the issue tracker for the standard is full of complaints, yet they plowed ahead anyway.

@fribbledom Oracle, then it's 3 birds with one stone

COBOL. Imagine the world's wealth and debts being gone instantly.

@fribbledom I thought I'd be unpopular for suggesting javascript, but I guess not! Some of the things it's being used for is criminal.

@fribbledom I actually prefer PHP over JavaScript.

JavaScript. Sorry, not sorry.

Not a bad language in itself, but the most abused language of all time.

It may not be worse of a language, but it's the only one that works in a web browser. By removing JS, you make it so that the web is no longer a platform for developing applications.

PHP on someone else's websote can't hurt you.
JS on someone else's website can.

@fribbledom C/C++

I'm a bit disappointed there's only one vote for them (thanks @Newpa_Hasai ); their lack of memory safety makes them unfit for all but a tiny niche use (small drivers, embedded code, very low-level OS components) for which most of C++ isn't useful anyway.

@fribbledom Ich hab zu solchem Mist letztes Jahr mal nen Twitterthread geschrieben. Vielleicht regt er dich ja zum Nachdenken an. (Und @skyr, der das geboostet hat, gleich mit.) Und wenn du keinen Bock auf Twitter hast, gibt's diesen Blogbeitrag:

@fribbledom How come is a programming language? From what I heard, it's a scripting language 🤔 Or did it change over the years?

I too, hate Javascript, although PHP is a weird way to abbreviate it, but ok.

@fribbledom 100% JavaScript. Doesn't matter if PHP is the better or worse language, JavaScript was the seed that grew up into the absolute hell scape the internet is today.

@fribbledom nope. would win easily.

@fribbledom Wait. Am I only allowed to sacrifice _one_ programming language?

@wolf480pl @xnx38h @fribbledom Also some file formats, such as epub, use/allow JavaScript "b/c reasons".
So those file formats would become safer as well.


Scripting languages are proper programming languages, just for a particular runtime.

@scy @skyr

Grundsätzlich geb ich dir Recht, ... aber:

Nie würde ich einen PHP Entwickler als "Verlierer" oder gar als "dumm" bezeichnen. Ich mache mich auch nicht über PHP Entwickler lustig und versuche ihre Arbeit nicht geringzuschätzen.

Das bedeutet aber nicht, dass ich mich nicht über die Sprache PHP ansich amüsieren kann. Denn ja, ich halte sie für schlecht designed und für grundsätzlich überholt.

Und dieses Recht steht mir meiner Meinung nach auch zu:


@scy @skyr

Nicht nur hab ich viele Jahre als PHP Entwickler gearbeitet, ich hab die Sprache selbst vor über 20 Jahren mitgestaltet. Das Recht mich über meine eigenen Dummheiten und Jugendsünden auszulassen wird man mir nicht nehmen können.

In anderen Sprachen zu entwickeln macht dich weder zu einem besseren noch zu einem schlechteren Menschen.


@scy @skyr

Hefte dein Ego nicht an Gegenstände, Wertsachen, Marken oder gar Programmiersprachen. Sie sind lediglich simple Werkzeuge, die zwangsläufig durch bessere und modernere Werkzeuge überholt werden. So lief es mit PHP, so lief es mit Java, so wird es Rust, Go und allen anderen Sprachen auch irgendwann ergehen.

Fühle dich angegriffen wenn jemand deine Kompetenz auf Grund deiner Sprachwahl in Frage stellt - aber nicht, weil jemand die Sprache selbst kritisiert.


@scy @skyr

Denn wie dir jeder PHP Entwickler nur zu gern bestätigen wird:

Ja, manchmal ist PHP einfach 'n richtig beschissener Hammer.


@fribbledom @skyr

Bin ich bei dir. Ich hab auch nichts gegen Kritik an PHP einzuwenden und will dir das auch nicht nehmen. Auch ich hab jahrelang mit PHP entwickelt und tu es immer noch; ich kenn die Probleme.

Der Ursprungstweet wirkte für mich zu grenzwertig in Richtung Lästern über PHP-_Devs_, was wohl auch an der Kürze und Pointierung lag, aber jetzt wo du die Intention verdeutlichst, habe ich da vielleicht auch einfach zu viel rein interpretiert. Sorry for the noise.

@scy @skyr

Einfach mit Bjarne Stroustrup (C++ Erfinder) gehen:

"There are only two kinds of languages: the ones people complain about and the ones nobody uses."


@fribbledom I would, in all seriousness, give up my beloved perl for a cure, but if I could wipe python (and all other whitespace-significant languages) off the face of the solar system while also curing covid-19, it'd be a really great bonus.

Where did php touch you? Show us on the doll.

@fribbledom i would sacrifice golang. the language with the least innovation in it. ( well after lisp & ml, there was no innovation anyways ;) )

@fribbledom 😂. I recommend HTML.

@fribbledom its not its JavaScript

@fribbledom How is that a sacrifice?

Actually, I think I'd add tcl to my list of languages to sacrifice.

Not used it much but had to because ICEM uses it for its scripting interface, and it's incredibly pedestrian. It's also not debuggable within ICEM, so you're down to running some piece of code, see what happens and then maybe change it... there's not even print statements.

I acknowledge that tcl might actually look better in a proper IDE but I still don't see what it can do that a million other languages could not.